i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
