I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke