I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE