She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
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I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
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You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"