I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
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We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
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She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.