Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.