Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.