You really coming over, don't trick.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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