my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
