You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
