fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
