brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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