I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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