38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
