Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
