I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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