I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i drank out of a bidet.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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