are you so shy because you have an std?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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