It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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