I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
