I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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