Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
