well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Panties = found
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
