So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
