im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
