You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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