then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
