I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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