Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
