yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
