Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Never joke about your clitoris.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
