your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
