how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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