I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
