Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
