There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
