You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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