You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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