your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
