I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
