in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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