While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
