based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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