His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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