If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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