I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
