I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
