dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
