I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
