I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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