New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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