im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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