R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
is that a dick in a sweater?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
