New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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