We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
