She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
