Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
