you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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