he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize