There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Plan B is the new Plan A
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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