A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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