i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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