Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
