so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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