She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
