Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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