Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
