Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
