I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
