I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
