Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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