too bad you live with your parents still
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
