my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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