you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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