I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
