bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
