Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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