kristin has been a bad kristin
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
