Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
