you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
