my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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